Things I’ve heard people say in London

“No one cycles in London”
“Move your cycle”
“I’d like to ride a penny-farthing on the road”
“That penny-farthing is as big as me; its
wheel is as big as my face.”

“Is that where Trafalgar Square is?”
(looking at a map in the middle of a bike lane)
“Is that where Somerset House is?”
(examining a map in the middle of the pavement)
“Is that where Waterloo Bridge is?”
(scrutinising a map…
…in the middle of Waterloo Bridge)

Once, and only once,
“Governor.”

Every time, and all the time,
“Bloody, Underground.”

Every morning,
“Please give me food–“
Every afternoon,
“– I have no money –“
Every evening,
” — I have no home.”