NaPoWriMo #30 – Laughing Buddha

free verse, NaPoWriMo 2020, Poetry, spoken word poetry

T/W: Eating disorders & self harm


There’s something you don’t know about me
I’ve been pregnant for most of my life.
When I was born,
my limbs were skeletal,
as if someone had
pulled my skin across my body
like an ironing board,
the creases and angles jutting out underneath.
But, when I was 12,
an Evil Boy and a
Wicked Girl,
guided by their impish,
fat fingers – a compass
pointing southward –
found me,
made me
their
unwilling surrogate.
Their saw-toothed words
wedged themselves
down my throat,
gnawing at my oesophagus.
That week,
instead of morning sickness,
I lost my voice.
The following week
I felt the words finally
settle in the bubbles of my stomach,
and they grew a n d g r e w   a  n  d   g   r   e   w
and I swelled a n d s w e l l e d   a   n  d   s   w  e  l  l  e  d . . .
When I walked,
I heard their gurgling
and the accompaniment of
giggles,
as I waddled my way through town.
Every step,
the bubbles rubbed against each other,
like balloons.
I wanted to get them out of me,
so one night,
alone,
in the bathroom,
my fat fingers went
southward,
past the oesophagus
to my stomach.
But,
the balloons had no strings,
nothing I could use to pull them out of me.
So, yeah, since that day I’ve been pregnant.
Nothing grows inside of me, though.
There is no reward for the back rolls from this belly.
After 8 years,
I have finally learnt to tame those teeth,
to saw down the sharp ends
so the words don’t hurt as much.
I sit and file each tooth
every day
for hours,
but still
they gnaw at my stomach,
opening sounds of the weeks before,
that had only just begun to heal.
On those days,
I watch the blood pour out of me
and wish it to wash me away with it,
as the Evil Girl and Wicked Boy
push me into the stream.
But there are some days when my belly is not
so evil.
When the bubbles put their teeth away,
reminding me that
I can be more Laughing Buddha
than Grimm Fairy-tale.
And so,
I laugh, a n d l a u g h  a  n  d  l  a  u  g  h
and my belly shakes
and jiggles,
like a baby rocking itself to sleep.
And in that moment,
I am
no longer
pregnant.

NaPoWriMo #28 – Warm Showers

free verse, NaPoWriMo 2020, Poetry
I have been told people who take warm showers are lonely,
that they crave bodies.

So, sometimes I think myself
evil brute,
chewing on
flesh to tear it
from their bones to
build myself
precarious bodies,
upon which I can balance
my very delicate ego.

But mostly, I think myself
one-eyed cyclops,

narrow-visioned,
searching only for warmth,
as cold rain pours from the showerhead above.

NaPoWriMo #16 – First Kiss Story

free verse, NaPoWriMo 2020, Poetry, spoken word poetry
Here, in this local park,
with the unforgettable stench
of weed and under-boob sweat,
is where you will almost,
have your first kiss
– twice
– with two different boys
– and one girl.
With the body count
and private location
you are unsure if
this is more murder mystery
than first kiss story.
Although, something did die there;
three times
you returned home with
dry lips and wet eyes,

– your face did not belong to you anymore
it is,
it was,
an abandoned
haunted house,
each empty room,
places they could have kissed:
A warm hand against a cold cheek,
fingers sweeping across
to brush the hair from your eyes,
like curtains drawn back to
reveal the morning light
– except, there was no sunrise,
the sky stayed dark and cloudy,
your hair still stank of weed.
You will have your first kiss 5 years later.
Those boys,
that girl,
will be ghosts crawling across your cheeks,
living inside you.
When this boy leans in,
you will feel them
clawing up the corridor of your throat,
and you will vomit them out in apologies:
‘Sorry, I’m really nervous,
I’ve never done this before.
I mean, I almost did...
I don’t know what to do I–’
And then your teeth chink together,
and shaky, nervous bodies
burst into laughter,
into daylight,
and he goes in again.
Your lips have finally been doused,
with someone else’s saliva,
and it was all you needed
to wash the ghosts away.

Malleable

free verse, Poetry

Hey everyone! Apologies for not posting last week, BUT I have a good reason, because on Saturday I was at the UK National Poetry Slam! I am happy to announce that I came in 3rd place! I had spent so much time practicing that I didn’t have enough energy to write a post. BUT I’m back!! AND here with a NEW POEM 😱😱😱😎😎💥💥💥 I wrote this about how recently I’ve finally been able to take control of my negative feelings rather than get stuck in them. Enjoy!


Your hand slips between your lips 
and lifts all her fingers inside.
She’s not lost anymore,
walks straight past the canines (sharp!)
takes a right at the left molar
2 paces South of the Tongue and
-- aha!

The Oesophagus.

On The Fence

free verse, Poetry, spoken word poetry
I’m tired of sitting 
on the fence of femininity
and dangling my
hairy legs
over the
edge. 
I’ve been in this              tossed-coin region 
for a while now,

mid-air,

frozen and
floating.
I am      a moment,
a feeling rather than
a whole human being:
anticipation 
for a result,
Because, of course,
I need to pick a side
beneath which label do I hide:
masculine                                      or                        feminine?

What I learnt in 2018 [+slam video!] 🎉🎉

free verse, Poetry, spoken word poetry

Hello all! I hope you’ve had a good new year so far :)! My new year began with a LOT of deadlines and returning to university, which I have now only just adjusted to. BUT (and I know I say this all the time but I mean it today!) I have now managed to adjust myself back into university life and so I will now be uploading every Sunday! To start off this week, I thought I would share my poem reflecting on things I learnt in 2018. I performed an abridged version of the full poem at the Farrago Poetry Slam (video below) which is also my first official video on the InkLit Productions channel!! WOO!! It’s not one of my best performances admittedly since I was quite nervous, however, I’m still proud of it, so enjoy!


January 2018

I learnt that some lame NYE traditions aren’t actually all that lame?
I still prefer drinking Shloer instead of wine
and sitting on the sofa
doing nothing
eating pizza
with my parents
doing nothing but
watching the BBC fireworks with my parents instead of actually going out and doing fireworks.

Big Bad Wolf

free verse

Happy halfway point of NaPoWriMo! Today’s prompt is so GOOD!! I LOVE fairy-tales!! It invites us to write a poem about a villain in which they are revealed to be human, but still evil. Enjoy!